There comes those thoughts again....the thoughts of that little girl who never got her candy,.. raising its head it strikes again like a blitzkrieg ...it keeps striking me...it just doesn't seem to leave me alone.... why is that.. i have asked so many times...i ain't got any answers....is it because i see that little girl just another part of me or is there a karmic play intertwined within my reality conscious...the questions never remain answered.... all that remains is the thought of little girl who never got her candy....
Turn back time and i find myself sitting out there on a cold winter evening oblivious of the world outside...believing to be a king....basking in the frivolous conversations...giving a damm!! about anything else...believing that hey man this is moment is a high,we can rule the world...huh!
But then something just happened..a moment which would stay with me forever...they say time is a healer ...but i remain unhealed of this thought....about the little girl who never got her candy
On that winter evening...My king size moments were cut short by the sight of a young little girl who was walking with her Papa holding his hands on the other side ...she was happy,occasionally jumping with ecstatic joy...singing along... maybe thinking that her Papa was taking her on a joy walk...she was quite a moment i should say...
But i guess papa had his own plans that evening ...he knew where he was going....
The other side had a couple of shops...one of them was the candy shop...you get different kinds of candy...orange...lemon.....it came in a lot many flavours ...the candy man was quite the Mr Popular....the kids loved him...and yes the candy's were popular too... i should say i enjoyed watching the candy shop....for more reasons than one...and yes its part of my historics now
The little girl and her papa were passing by the candy shop(also part of my historics)...and out came the girls hand pointing at the shop ...saying i want a candy...it looked as if this were they came too.....wish it was but it was never meant to be..Papa was seemingly trying to convince the Little one ...and i guess he managed to...though the little one kept staring at the candy shop...and the other kids happily savouring those candies....so they moved on...and i looked on....
where were they going....papa knew about it...and he exactly did that....he walked into that dingy little shop...it was called the "siesta " ..damn it!!! it was a Booze joint...that wretched little bunker...ahhh !! i always looked at the candy shop...for me that was existent ....and the siesta was never ..and maybe it was never for the little one but then i guess the ....siesta has now become part of my history from that moment.... so papa walked in with the reluctant young little one...
Papa had his fill that evening....he must have gulped in at least a 180 ..or if not a little more... maybe papa would have had more but then the booze never came free...i always wondered though why do you have to pay to get high on life.... out they came after a while....i watched on.......ahhh!! the little one must have thought finally the Candy ... the candy would have probably erased the stench she had to live through in the bunker a little while ago...but the candy's never came free too...i wish they did.... They walked the same path....along the candy shop...but they never stopped by ...the little one did but she was dragged along by papa...she kept crying...her hands pointing at the shop..oh man she wept...and i can still hear her weep..the sounds of "cry"unbroken by time...what a betrayal of an innocent mind...i guess it was the end of innocence..she was just dragged along..she never got the candy...
I remained frozen then ...and i remain even now ... wish i could change that moment ..wish i could run to the little one and offer her that candy...and spare the agony of watching it again and again...the moment lingers on....i wonder at times what happened to the little one....did she get her candies in life...or was she denied and dragged on...
why does the little girl remain so close to me...why do i feel so apologetic...why is there a sense of pathos about that moment... or am i being a Masochist .....or was it someones trick of planting that image in my consciousness for reasons known by the sower....i question myself ... i look at the wise man for the answers....but hey the wise man for once didn't have the answers....he just looked at me.........................and just watched ....maybe he had the answers ...i watch too but it hurts......
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13 comments:
I feel very close to u
yet you are mysterious...
Your words left me deep in thought... I always feel stirred emotionally... the little girl seems so familiar
Trying to get a moment back is just not in our hands... we are helpless... and i think we hate ourselves when we think that the helplessness (u felt then... u wanted to give the candy to the girl.. but didnt know the appropriate way to approach.. that split second costed the girl theat candy...)we felt then was not as great...
and like the wih girl... u hope the past had undone itself... and u carry it silently (unlike the wish girl ofcourse)...
trust me, u should write more often... u have a big plus... i think a reader feels ur writing (not just this work..all)...
have u ever thought of making films? please give it a thought...
u have a hold... u have an effect... and this is coming from the most rigid and cynical wish girl.. accomodated a new perspective thanks to the wise man...
Mysterious!!!!....hey i thought you had unravelled the wise man code.....:-):-)....
Hmmm.....and i cant help mentioning about the little girl here ....i hope she got her candy's in life....
Dream they say is a reality maybe waiting to happen...but i guess at times todays reality could also be tommorow's dream...but maybe the only difference is that this dream will always remain undone..
Hmmmmm...........films...movies.........interesting....
Cynical..rigid...... never mind...never mind....a state of emotions..i guess every thing which moves has undergone...nevermind..nevermind
....chow....and hey THANKS!!!!
well...
the girl has grown up.. she wishes for the reality that u mentioned...
u too seem to be hand-in-glove with the world.. u never responded to the comment about u making a film.. huh?
avoiding the difficult ques.. are u?
i want a reply...
and why the thanx??? i am clueless.. seriously
Well..as for the little girl... u should be relieved now..she has learnt from the bitter experiences..she battled sorrow.. she cried silent tears... she hated herself...and fought herself..
but the good news is she didnt turn bitter... she caught on to tiny rays...that reached her beyond the dragging darkness... and finally managed to make a sun of her own!!!
she is not dependent on anyone for that candy... and she has learnt to choose her candies well...
there's more... with time she is learning (albeit slowly) to forgive others and ... to love herself..
please smile for the little girl... a tender sweet smile
wo...wo...wo...alright....i would like to believe that the little girl got her candy's..i hope she did...
Well i think at times you are really too "Familiar" with the little girl..well thats interesting coz i always thought that the little one was always witnessed by me..but hey i guess i have company...and thats interesting...
hmnn...about the avoidance of difficult question..you really think so...well pose me a difficult question..a real difficult one and lets find out what happens to the question...
Movies..films...cinema...well i really appreciated your perspective... it did touch a chord...it really did..trust me ...interesting ...and all i can say is the thought process is on..
"THANKS" was for the saying "you have a big plus"....what is the confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!was that a puzzle...hmmm
Hand in glove with the world!!! ......wo ...wo...you really think so...do think again.. and for the moment let me say....i have never worn gloves..i have never...:-):-).....and yeah do tell me about the "hand in glove with the world" theory.....
...now to the little girl........................... :-):-):-):-):-)
Chow...and hey have fun.....and keep smiling....
be prepared for a loooooooooong reply...
ok.. the familiarity with the little one stems from the fact that i was a little girl once... and the truth is we all are dragged away by merciless hands away from things we desire the most...
and i would love to believe that like the wish girl.. the little girl is a strong soul... u can give that to her...
ok... well the THANX thing was not a puzzle.. but i can be ( read: am) dumb most of the times.. i border on the moronic sometime...
hand-in-glove theory: well... just like the father (and the world in the larger picture)never gives the girl what she wants... you too preferred to overlook the ques about film making... got it?
i was majorly interested in knowing if u love the craft... u visualise beautifully...
Ah! another bond that i share wth the little girl... u seem to see through problems, desires, death of desire of both the little one and the wish girl...
and ya... u r sweetie pie.. u showered the little girl with smiles... she wants to say she feels warm...
well... the difficult question..
its a yes/no ques...
and no is acceptable as answer...
can we talk?
Thats...nice that the smile was accepted.....you got me ...you got me...with the difficult question....But dammmm me...........Dammm me....ahhhhh i stand exposed....Dammm me.....Dammmmm me........terribly exposed..... you were right....very right.... that i avoid the difficult questions.....you were right... Yeah....about movies...yes i love the whole thing....and dumb!!!moronic!!!!...cut it out....I dont think so...I dont think so....if you think you are dumb then iam dumber....hey chow...take care and have fun..
shut up... thats ok... (u dint have to put the dumber thingy)..
after the little girl episode... my mind is so full of her that there's lack of space for new ideas...
u better write something so that we have both the 'intellective psychosis' and 'poetic license' living on..
and yes, we'll let the difficult ques rest... relax...
chow.. waiting for ur new post
hullo...
knock knock...
where's u? the page looks forsaken... how can u do this to ur baby?
missing ur work...
wake up call!!!!
where are u???
come on now...
enough of hibernating and all...
unfair...
very unfair...
wont remind u again...
there are a few people who just dont care to share what they feel
:-(
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