The little girl who never got her candy

There comes those thoughts again....the thoughts of that little girl who never got her candy,.. raising its head it strikes again like a blitzkrieg ...it keeps striking me...it just doesn't seem to leave me alone.... why is that.. i have asked so many times...i ain't got any answers....is it because i see that little girl just another part of me or is there a karmic play intertwined within my reality conscious...the questions never remain answered.... all that remains is the thought of little girl who never got her candy....

Turn back time and i find myself sitting out there on a cold winter evening oblivious of the world outside...believing to be a king....basking in the frivolous conversations...giving a damm!! about anything else...believing that hey man this is moment is a high,we can rule the world...huh!

But then something just happened..a moment which would stay with me forever...they say time is a healer ...but i remain unhealed of this thought....about the little girl who never got her candy

On that winter evening...My king size moments were cut short by the sight of a young little girl who was walking with her Papa holding his hands on the other side ...she was happy,occasionally jumping with ecstatic joy...singing along... maybe thinking that her Papa was taking her on a joy walk...she was quite a moment i should say...

But i guess papa had his own plans that evening ...he knew where he was going....

The other side had a couple of shops...one of them was the candy shop...you get different kinds of candy...orange...lemon.....it came in a lot many flavours ...the candy man was quite the Mr Popular....the kids loved him...and yes the candy's were popular too... i should say i enjoyed watching the candy shop....for more reasons than one...and yes its part of my historics now

The little girl and her papa were passing by the candy shop(also part of my historics)...and out came the girls hand pointing at the shop ...saying i want a candy...it looked as if this were they came too.....wish it was but it was never meant to be..Papa was seemingly trying to convince the Little one ...and i guess he managed to...though the little one kept staring at the candy shop...and the other kids happily savouring those candies....so they moved on...and i looked on....

where were they going....papa knew about it...and he exactly did that....he walked into that dingy little shop...it was called the "siesta " ..damn it!!! it was a Booze joint...that wretched little bunker...ahhh !! i always looked at the candy shop...for me that was existent ....and the siesta was never ..and maybe it was never for the little one but then i guess the ....siesta has now become part of my history from that moment.... so papa walked in with the reluctant young little one...

Papa had his fill that evening....he must have gulped in at least a 180 ..or if not a little more... maybe papa would have had more but then the booze never came free...i always wondered though why do you have to pay to get high on life.... out they came after a while....i watched on.......ahhh!! the little one must have thought finally the Candy ... the candy would have probably erased the stench she had to live through in the bunker a little while ago...but the candy's never came free too...i wish they did.... They walked the same path....along the candy shop...but they never stopped by ...the little one did but she was dragged along by papa...she kept crying...her hands pointing at the shop..oh man she wept...and i can still hear her weep..the sounds of "cry"unbroken by time...what a betrayal of an innocent mind...i guess it was the end of innocence..she was just dragged along..she never got the candy...

I remained frozen then ...and i remain even now ... wish i could change that moment ..wish i could run to the little one and offer her that candy...and spare the agony of watching it again and again...the moment lingers on....i wonder at times what happened to the little one....did she get her candies in life...or was she denied and dragged on...

why does the little girl remain so close to me...why do i feel so apologetic...why is there a sense of pathos about that moment... or am i being a Masochist .....or was it someones trick of planting that image in my consciousness for reasons known by the sower....i question myself ... i look at the wise man for the answers....but hey the wise man for once didn't have the answers....he just looked at me.........................and just watched ....maybe he had the answers ...i watch too but it hurts......

The Morning after...........

The morning after..............
I woke up to .. to find a perfect morning ...everything seemed so splendid ...i had to say it was picturesque...
Maybe a usual morning for them but unusual for me, for i thought so... coz...........it was quite sometime since i saw the dawn...and here it was in its full glory...what a sight...
I stared into the morning sun ...i took the rays head on ...and my arms wide open i felt like a king ready to conquer the next frontier....

Done with being stoned with what the morning had to offer...i moved on...i said hey iam gonna seize this moment...iam gonna freak out................thumped my fists...........i said Yeahhhhhhhhhh!
In me the mercurial excitement....was brimming....waiting to flow over...i said relax dude" you got a long day ahead"....

The tea was done....the razors job done...the generous shower done..........the cologne done.... the clothes done...the mirror glances done..........and the mirror speak which ended up in me saying "yes its gonna be my day"........."iam gonna party out there"..........

So here i was .........all dressed up and ready to take on this day....so i took those few steps towards the door...i was on a high....i opened the door...............but hey.... hey...the high was never meant to be ......
Coz...i was blanked out...........in a moment ..... iwas frozen... i stood at the threshold...looking outside.............i didn't know where to go....i was all dressed up and nowhere to go...in a flash the high was gone....all that remained was a thought........I was all dressed up and nowhere to go!!!

Thoughts from the corner

well its it that time of the year...when they call it the end...maybe of a another begining....
i found myself sitting out there in that corner [my hotspot].....maybe i should call it the oblivion....ahhhh ironic ....never seems to leave me
Anyways its not about the corner its about the little one...the most beautiful!

Its about the one.....who looks at me with those tender eyes...who shines like a little star...who floats like a feather....her skin so beautiful...she is so special...man she is such a delight to watch....i could go miles to just get a glimpse.....she is the most loved one..and she will be..............how i longed to see her........ but strange are the ways of the unknown and in this moment i say .....
Forgive me...little star...for though you shine....i cant reach you....i cant see you play in the rain garden...neither, can i see you run towards me with pure joy neither can i !!....i couldnt breathe you life.............................you still remained unborn .....
Maybe another day...maybe another moment...maybe another rain...maybe another spring... i shall find you playing in the Rain garden............

City Lights 2

City lights......just keeps getting brighter... Dammmmm!!!!! it never dims......global warming, smoke on the streets, killer machines on the roads ,the negotiations for space out there ,the lost looks,the frustrated beings ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! nothing dims the city lights...... it just keeps burning higher........and the admirers the "Mothics" keep coming ........to these city lights............the breed of Mothics ........yeah just got bigger ......
The Mothicians stare hard into the city lights......they fear no uv rays since there are none ........they love the rays ...they love the glow.......they bask in it..........my Friend the sun is never here..................coz its gone on a vacation.........What a trap........ahh those city lights have even managed to convince the sun to go on a holiday....
I heard the wise man say yesterday.........you have a dream.....and all that talk.........and i ask" but is this Moth just gonna watch this dream"......is it just an illusion.......or is it all parobolia..........
Hmnnnnnnn the wise man spoke again and said " dude maybe it is or maybe not, but you aint gonna let the dream fade , you aint gonna let the dream shrink.......you aint gonna let the dream die............coz your dreams are the only stuff which gives you the choice to break on to the other side"
Man there goes the wise man and his gospel and he is done it again with is brand of gospel.......... leaving me out here staring at the city lights...........but yeah! i let my dreams be..........

City lights

The city lights lures the Moths ......but as Moths we are, we just cant keep getting enough of the city lights........now that makes me a Moth......ahhhhhhhh...dude iam living a Moth existence............they looked exciting.....attractive......powerfull....from a distance...
But it was just a trap.........i got stuck.......freakin city lights just took me over..........all i do is circle them again and again......knowing what lies beyond them , is just a dream, a dream broken by the city lights....
The wise man says" maybe the Moth in you would fly away beyond the city lights........travel as far as you could.......... where the only lights would be your dreams..........so dream on you moth.........coz you maybe a Moth......but hey you got a dream"

The begining

Lost in the woods ...........coz the lost soul iam ....trying to find my way..i found none.......................i screamed but none heard it ...................i started running but reached nowhere ......... i stared at the space ahead , i saw nothing...........i guess i was lost............................. i pondered ........i closed my eyes .......i stared within.........a shimmering light shone within ........and in that light i saw something ..........that was you.......that was you............................Alas!!! i had found my way.......