The little girl who never got her candy

There comes those thoughts again....the thoughts of that little girl who never got her candy,.. raising its head it strikes again like a blitzkrieg ...it keeps striking me...it just doesn't seem to leave me alone.... why is that.. i have asked so many times...i ain't got any answers....is it because i see that little girl just another part of me or is there a karmic play intertwined within my reality conscious...the questions never remain answered.... all that remains is the thought of little girl who never got her candy....

Turn back time and i find myself sitting out there on a cold winter evening oblivious of the world outside...believing to be a king....basking in the frivolous conversations...giving a damm!! about anything else...believing that hey man this is moment is a high,we can rule the world...huh!

But then something just happened..a moment which would stay with me forever...they say time is a healer ...but i remain unhealed of this thought....about the little girl who never got her candy

On that winter evening...My king size moments were cut short by the sight of a young little girl who was walking with her Papa holding his hands on the other side ...she was happy,occasionally jumping with ecstatic joy...singing along... maybe thinking that her Papa was taking her on a joy walk...she was quite a moment i should say...

But i guess papa had his own plans that evening ...he knew where he was going....

The other side had a couple of shops...one of them was the candy shop...you get different kinds of candy...orange...lemon.....it came in a lot many flavours ...the candy man was quite the Mr Popular....the kids loved him...and yes the candy's were popular too... i should say i enjoyed watching the candy shop....for more reasons than one...and yes its part of my historics now

The little girl and her papa were passing by the candy shop(also part of my historics)...and out came the girls hand pointing at the shop ...saying i want a candy...it looked as if this were they came too.....wish it was but it was never meant to be..Papa was seemingly trying to convince the Little one ...and i guess he managed to...though the little one kept staring at the candy shop...and the other kids happily savouring those candies....so they moved on...and i looked on....

where were they going....papa knew about it...and he exactly did that....he walked into that dingy little shop...it was called the "siesta " ..damn it!!! it was a Booze joint...that wretched little bunker...ahhh !! i always looked at the candy shop...for me that was existent ....and the siesta was never ..and maybe it was never for the little one but then i guess the ....siesta has now become part of my history from that moment.... so papa walked in with the reluctant young little one...

Papa had his fill that evening....he must have gulped in at least a 180 ..or if not a little more... maybe papa would have had more but then the booze never came free...i always wondered though why do you have to pay to get high on life.... out they came after a while....i watched on.......ahhh!! the little one must have thought finally the Candy ... the candy would have probably erased the stench she had to live through in the bunker a little while ago...but the candy's never came free too...i wish they did.... They walked the same path....along the candy shop...but they never stopped by ...the little one did but she was dragged along by papa...she kept crying...her hands pointing at the shop..oh man she wept...and i can still hear her weep..the sounds of "cry"unbroken by time...what a betrayal of an innocent mind...i guess it was the end of innocence..she was just dragged along..she never got the candy...

I remained frozen then ...and i remain even now ... wish i could change that moment ..wish i could run to the little one and offer her that candy...and spare the agony of watching it again and again...the moment lingers on....i wonder at times what happened to the little one....did she get her candies in life...or was she denied and dragged on...

why does the little girl remain so close to me...why do i feel so apologetic...why is there a sense of pathos about that moment... or am i being a Masochist .....or was it someones trick of planting that image in my consciousness for reasons known by the sower....i question myself ... i look at the wise man for the answers....but hey the wise man for once didn't have the answers....he just looked at me.........................and just watched ....maybe he had the answers ...i watch too but it hurts......